you’re gone once more - i can’t help but feel abandoned. i didn’t think i’d lose you again. after all, we’d become so close during the lonely nights of the past five months. i honestly believed that you wouldn’t leave again, but there you go - gone. it seems you only want me when i’m not okay. i’m so fucking sick of conditional love, so i’ll cut the hypocrisy.. here it is; i love you no matter what (forever and for always). you are the very best part of me, though i am just another of millions for you. words, i will never leave you. no, i can never, will not, be subdued into silence. i will fight for you - claw at my mind, my soul, my throat for you. i know you won’t blindly follow my lead onto the paper in pen (i guess you don’t trust me any more). i’m sorry for abusing you. so, so sorry. i was so hurt, so beaten and broken. words, you saved me, but i sacrificed you in the process. i destroyed your beauty - butchered your grace. i manipulated you into anger, spite, pain. i forgive you for leaving, but beg for your return.. i am nothing, nothing, without you here in my heart. 

please, please come back. 

xo. 

-c. 

last time i checked, there was only one steering wheel in this car. i drive it, not you. he drives his, not you. you’re causing accidents all over the place - multiple casualties. don’t you see? can’t you hear the screams? 

you’re fucking killing me. 

no more. 

xo. 

-c. 

the cunning man told me he loves me. 

the charming man told me he loves me. 

i keep trying to differentiate the two; 

excuse me sir, which one are you?

i beg your eyes will tell this time. 

xo, 

-c. 

once upon a time, there were two girls that became best friends - they giggled & the gossiped. they grew up together, and then they grew apart. one day, one of the girls became a dumb bitch. 

the end. 

hahahah, 

xo, 

-c. 

hi. i enjoy the english language, songs that give me shivers, my bed, intelligent conversation, cuddling, as well as excessive amounts of tea. 

that’s all for now. 

cheers to tomorrow.

xo.

-c. 

scratch that, go fuck yourself.

-c. 

it seems i’m always the last to know. 

look, i’m not trying to play victim, but now, here.. it appears as though that is who and what i am. i never meant to hurt you; i never intentionally hurt you. why are you beating up my mind and eyes? why can’t you see? why are you so damn blind? oh, what did i do to deserve this? malicious hate from you & your new gang. drink your drinks, spew your revenge for sins you, and only you have condemned. no, i’m not saying that i’m innocent, i’m just saying i’m not the satan that you seek - silly whore, what i’ve done is so much less than what you believe it to be. i loved you from the very start, admitted it willingly - you were tentative, making it out to be less than what it was to me. my best friend, my companion to avoid the lonely. but to you, i was one in a million - unimportant, silly, stupid, me. i hate that i’m so worked up about this; how i can’t tolerate the way you look at me - can’t stand to look at you. you’ve become a hot mess, part of our generation that tries to grow up far to fast - i want my carefree life to last. fuck you and all your ‘friends’ - hazy days, glazed eyes, drinks, on drinks, on drinks. you’re so fucked up, let me show you to the mirror - take a look, can’t you see? is this really who you want to be? 

i hope not. 

it kills me. 

xo. 

-c. 

Now I’ll be bold
As well as strong
Use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies.